i see you.

Today my desk called me to write

For those of us who are sick/diseased/ill

Those of us who have spent life in the in-between

We are neither dead or alive

Ten steps close to heaven and only finding its doors locked

Because the angels want us to live

So, we obey and stay open to God’s rejection

As it is not time yet

 It is true that we start to disappear when we enter the hospital

The doctors ask to draw more blood from our bodies and we…

We go un-named

The healthcare system mutilates our faith

Our lives are reduced to files that mark us as unredeemable and untreatable

We are detoured from one doctor to the next

And the prescription bills that are given to us, deny us of our own humanity and rather demand money that we do not have

Being sick is a lonely experience that needs an almost impossible patience

You and I are both stuck and tense in the insides of a hallelujah and amen

From the prayers of loved ones who still want to keep us alive

So, while we wait to be saved

We can only settle and begin to notice

That the waiting is precious time

For in our waiting no one gets to own us

Not even death

Because we rebel and postpone it by staying alive

We forgive life, by having the courage to open our eyes each morning

Aren’t we teaching death a lesson?

Our waiting doesn’t call for grief or mourning anymore

We are tired of being pitied

Instead, our waiting calls for a celebration

It calls for a covenant

I want to break bread with you if you have survived heartbreak

I want to break bread with you if you have survived the hospital

This is how we heal, Beloved

Our healing doesn’t need a nurse, x-rays or more meds

If we must live today or tomorrow

Let us start by cupping each other’s tears as they begin to run

I want to wash your feet because we are each other’s disciples

And hold your heart for you when it gets heavy

Or hold your hand

I want to hold your hand for another lifetime while we march into forever

This is what living is and nobody knows it like we do

It is simply us taking care of each other because we know the weight of being sick

We know the weight of living and dying all together

But we still get to be here

Photo by McKenna Phillips on Unsplash

-Bhasani Mlambo